Life4seekers

Sex And Personal Fulfilment

‘I have been a Catholic for a year and prior to that had my own take on sex - as long as you’re not doing anyone any harm, what’s the problem? Meeting Citra, who in her naivety agreed to be my wife, changed everything.

‘From the beginning of our relationship I observed that Citra took her Catholic faith seriously and initially I didn’t have a problem with most of it. I classed myself as a kind of love thy-neighbour guy and was about ready to be a little more committed, selfless and generally more Christian about how I acted and viewed others. However, the teaching of no sex outside of marriage was another factor altogether; I couldn’t believe she would be counting that as a serious issue. On that one, I’d decided men might be from Mars and women from Venus; Catholic girls, however, are clearly from Pluto – perhaps a different galaxy entirely. Still, I’d fallen deeply in love and after two years and a number of eyeball-poppingly frustrating non-encounters we were married.

‘As a result, before and after we were married, I decided I had to understand what the Church has to say about sex. A former colleague suggested I track down a copy of Christopher West’s, ‘Good News about Sex and Marriage’. He’s extremely well-versed in Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and the book is excellent – Q&A style, accessible and down-to-earth. In fact, many authors on the subject have pointed to Pope John Paul II’s teaching to show that if we live according to the truth of our sexuality, we fulfil the very meaning of our being and existence.

‘Like anything, we can read until we’re blue in the face but the time will always come when the theology needs to ‘work’ in our lives and our relationships. And it really takes work – and commitment. But the more effort we put into it, the greater our desire to make it work and the happier and more fulfilled we are, because in it we truly discover Christ. Human longing naturally leads to Christ –we are made in God’s image and what we ultimately desire in our lives, whether we realise it or not, leads us right back to Him.

‘In his book ‘Good News about Sex and Marriage’, Christopher West highlights the danger of misinterpreting how we use our sexuality: he wrote, “If we don’t live according to the truth of our sexuality, we miss the meaning of our existence altogether. We forfeit true joy and true happiness.”

‘This is true for everyone, whether sexually active or not. God created us as sexual beings. With regards to marriage, however, what is this ‘truth’? As the father of four young children, I can only really talk from personal experience. You certainly need grace, a healthy prayer life and relationship with Christ and to work on getting past society’s simplistic take on Church teaching.

‘In today’s ‘take’ culture, any form of self-discipline that might affect the generally accepted idea of personal freedom is actively discouraged. Pope Benedict XVI sums up the current climate in his encyclical ‘Deus Caritas Est’ (God is Love). For more see:

http://www.life4seekers.co.uk/onlinemagazine/life4seekersmagazine/index.html (page 14)

Sacred Music

The modern world is very noisy. Whether it’s because of traffic, machinery, human voices or piped music, silence is difficult to find. The modern ear is perhaps so accustomed to this ‘noise pollution’that it often fails to register consciously the continuous background hubbub. But this doesn’t mean that our minds are unaffected by it – indeed, it is commonly accepted that this noise adds to the tension andstress of life.

Violent external noise might also be away of drowning out the interior noise of an unhappy person. However, some noises are known to have a beneficial effect. Although Mozart and Schubert might not have liked the idea of their music being played as background to conversation in coffee shops and railway stations, it is known that classical music has a subconscious soothing effect in these situations. If music can have such an effect in the hectic public spaces of modern life, how much more effective must it be in places of worship,where the mind is already in a highly receptive state. Of course, just as in a coffee shop, the quality of the music selected will affect the quality of the experience of the listener.

For the rest of this article please see: http://www.life4seekers.co.uk/onlinemagazine/life4seekersmagazine/index.html (page 39)

Love? Language Problem

‘God's love for us is fundamental for our lives, and it raises important questions about who God is and who we are. In considering this, we immediately find ourselves hampered by a problem of language. Today, the term “love” has become one of the most frequently used and misused of words, a word to which we attach quite different meanings.’

‘Let us first of all bring to mind the vast semantic range of the word “love”: we speak of love of country, love of one's profession, love between friends, love of work, love between parents and children, love between family members, love of neighbour and love of God. Amid this multiplicity of meanings, however, one in particular stands out: love between man and woman… Are all these forms of love basically one, so that love, in its many and varied manifestations, is ultimately a single reality, or are we merely using the same word to designate totally different realities?’

Pope Benedict XVI, Deus Caritas Est 2 http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20051225_deus-caritas-est_en.html

What do you think?

Secret Of Happiness

1. Acceptance

It’s important that we learn to accept ourselves as we are. This doesn’t mean thatwe give up on trying to improve our skills and overcome  bad habits, but thatwe seek to change the things that we can, and pray for the grace to accept the things that we can’t.

2, Forgiveness

None of us can change the past, butwe can try to put things right by seeking the forgiveness of those we have hurt.We can also ask for God’s grace to forgive those who have hurt us.

3 Overcoming Fears

Fear limits and prevents us from doing things. Sometimes it controls us without us knowing it and leaves us feeling very alone.We need to face our fears. Jesus-centred prayer is a way through which we can overcome them.

4 Let Go

Some things we can’t change and we have to reach a point where we let something or someone go.We can still love that person or thing from a distance, but we have to reach a point of surrender.

5 Role Models

It can be healthy to have people that we look up to and want to emulate. In the Catholic tradition, Saints are spiritual role models who inspire people to find the fullness of life.

6 Religious Belief

The agewhen the followers of Freud told us that religion is an unhealthy illusion is over. Professional bodies no longer condemn religion outright. Having an active faith can help give people a life-focus, direction and purpose.

7 SpiritualDirection

Often people neglect investing time in their inner spiritual self. Just as a series of sessions with a psychiatrist can help someone back to full mental health, regularly meeting with a spiritual expert or director can help us grow andmake sense of our spiritual self.

8 MoralGuidelines

We all need some kind of yard stick from which we decide what is right and wrong. The Ten Commandments and the teaching of Jesus Christ help to positively direct many people’s lives.

9 Hope

We all have reason to hope, be that for our loved ones or friends. Experience shows us that things do and can get better over time. For Catholics their source of hope is the person of Jesus Christ.

10 Charity and Service

Factoring in time to help others can lead to a genuine “feel good factor”. Perhaps consider pencilling in a little time each week to help a neighbour, or sign up for some other voluntary work.

By Dr Pravin Thevathsan,

Consultant Psychiatrist
Article taken from the Life4seekers Magazine. If you'd like a copy please e-mail your name and address to: questions@life4seekers.co.uk

Work / Life Balance

If you're anything like me, you probably find it hard to maintain a balance between working and non-working life. I hope that the following will be helpful to you. They've really helped me.

1 Holidays: at the beginning of every year open your diary and plan your holiday dates. If possible, spread them out over twelve months.

2 Treats: put in yourmonthly diary at  least four personal treats such as a long walk, cultural visit or special night out.

3 Daily Meditation: set aside 10–15mins in the morning and evening to be silent, go over your day and talk to God. Excellent free mp3 meditation resources are available from: www.pray-as-you-go.com

4 Eating: make time for lunch. It’s important for your body and mind to rest after a morning of work.Try to eat healthily.

5 Gadgets/Tools: use tools to help you plan your time. Outlook Express and PDAs, aswell as a simple wall chart, can help you see if your week is getting overloaded.

6 Service: pencil in time to help someone else in need. Perhaps consider signing up for voluntarywork or doing a needy neighbour a good turn.

7 Fun: don’t be too rigid with your routine, just occasionally do something out of the ordinary, and for pure fun!

This article was written by a member of the Life4seekers team.

What is 'The Passion'?

BBC One is screening a dramatic adaption of 'The Passion' this Easter but what does 'The Passion' mean?

‘“Passion” means agony or suffering. The “Passion of Jesus Christ” is generally understood to begin with the final meal Jesus had with His twelve apostles (the Last Supper); it continues through His agony and betrayal in the Garden of Gethsemane, His trial before Pontius Pilate, His scourging at the pillar, His carrying of the cross, and ends with His crucifixion and death.’

Image © BBC

Why is it so called?

Jesus experienced agony and suffering for each one of us, and therefore what He did is called The Passion. The last week of His life, in particular, was a living expression of the original meaning of this word – “Passion”.

‘As horrific as Jesus’ death was, we need to appreciate a fundamental truth of human existence: authentic love involves sacrifice. Love involves the total giving of self.

'Love can even mean “[laying] down one’s life for one’s friends” (John’s Gospel, chapter 15, verse 13).

'So there is transcendent meaning in sacrifice and suffering. If endured for the good of others, it is truly sanctifying (1) and salvific (2). To a world that tries to avoid discomfort of any sort, this seems ridiculous. Instead, it is just one of countless examples of how the way of Truth runs counter to human expectations. This, by the way, has always been the case. The first people to hear the story of Jesus were just as struck as we are today at the strangeness of it. Saint Paul wrote 2,000 years ago, “For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God” (1 Corinthian chapter 1, verse 18).’

Some of the above text was sourced from: ‘A Guide To The Passion: 100 Questions About The Passion Of The Christ’; answers one and sixteen. This book is being offered free to Life4seekers visitors and is published by www.xt3.com

To receive a copy please e-mail your name and address to: questions@life4seekers.co.uk Also see: http://www.life4seekers.co.uk/the-passion/

sanctifying (1) = make or declare holy
salvific (2) = derived from ‘salvation’ meaning deliverance from sin and its consequences through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ

Finding a soulmate?

Soul date - Saint Raphael can help singles find the perfect mate

In the run up to Saint Valentine’s Day, single people looking for their soulmate are being encouraged to seek the help of a Catholic saint who is famed for his matchmaking prowess.

Saint Raphael is one of seven Archangels.  He is known as the patron saint of ‘happy meetings’, after Sarah in the Book of Tobit (found in the Old Testament part of the Catholic bible) got off to a disastrous start in married life with seven husbands dying on their wedding night.  Saint Raphael delivered Sarah from an evil spirit blighting this night and taught Tobias how to safely begin their married life together.

Singles are being introduced to the unique gifts of this extraordinary saint through an

online resource and “prayer campaign”. Created by the Catholic Enquiry Office, Mgr Keith Barltrop, its Director, explained:

“Many people have testified to the help they have received in finding a life partner through the prayerful help of the Archangel. At this time of year, significant numbers are seeking someone special, or maybe dealing with recent heartbreak.  Saint Raphael is there to help.”

Singles are being encouraged to join a special prayer campaign starting on 14^th February; they are invited to say the following prayer for nine consecutive days (which in the Catholic tradition is called a Novena): 

For the Choice of a Good Spouse

Saint Raphael, you were sent by God to guide young Tobias in choosing a good and virtuous spouse. Please help me in this important choice which will affect my whole future. You not only directed Tobias in finding a wife, but you also gave him guidelines which should be foremost in every Christian marriage: “Pray together before making important decisions.” Amen.

The online resource includes: top tips from a matchmaking expert, information about the saint, true love stories, greetings from “Simon” (an animated cartoon character), links, freebies and a competition offering the prize of a meal for two.

Recently married, Julie, from London said: “I was hoping to find Mr Right and had been praying for a ‘happy encounter’. I found Saint Raphael a particularly powerful spiritual friend.” Meanwhile, Charlie from Yorkshire said: “It’s not always easy nowadays to meet someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with. You won’t regret praying about your future and another great idea is to pray for your future husband or wife. If you’re looking for some supernatural intervention, Saint Raphael, all the angels and saints are ready to help.”

The Catholic Church teaches that there is a powerful link between the earthly and spiritual realms; it is described as the ‘Communion of Saints’. Asking angels and saints, to pray to God for their needs is part of Catholic life. Many favours have been received through this kind of spiritual activity. Mgr Barltrop added: “It is not the angel or saint who intervenes in our lives through our request but God himself. For example, the online resource features a link to a copy of William Holman Hunt’s painting, The Light of the World, which was inspired by the words: ‘I stand at the door and knock.’  Our friends in the spiritual realm do this kind of spiritual knocking on the gates of heaven on our behalf. If something is for our good and happiness, then God will answer our prayers as we ask. In fact every prayer is answered, but not always in the way that we expect.”

“You might be praying for a tall, dark and handsome person to come into your life, or a beautiful brunette, but God may have prepared someone quite different but wonderful for you. Prayerfully ask Him and find out for yourself,” said Mgr Barltrop.

For more information please see: www.life4seekers.co.uk

New Year, New... Leg Warmers?

New Year, New... Leg Warmers?

So, how many of you were given leg warmers this Christmas? And how many of you are willing to admit that you’re slightly disappointed you weren’t? Just in case, like me, you’re not always on the ball with the latest trends in fashion, apparently,1980s’ leg warmers, those things that look like the cut off sleeves of baggy jumpers, and give one’s legs the look of, perhaps a pastel pink shire horse, these leg warmers are trying very hard to make a come back.

It strikes me as my housemates do their best to drag me up to date, that there’s nothing much to date about it, rather there’s a lot of revisiting of what’s gone before. There’s that saying, isn’t there, that there’s nothing new in the world, and our national obsession with retro fashion is often proof of this maxim.

But, this is not a critique of the fashion industry. On the contrary, I see it as a positive thing. If baggy jumper sleeves once kept the shins of young people warm, why should they not do so again? And this time… we could make sure they’re accessible to all ages, and we could become a nation of warm-shinned people.

On a more serious not though, if leg warmers tell us anything, perhaps it’s that by looking back, we can plan more effectively for the future.

There’s a Catholic tradition of reflection at the end of the day, which could be useful here. It’s a review of where we’ve been and what we’ve done. It involves recalling significant events, people and places, and the feelings that come with those memories. The idea is that we become more aware of moments where God has been present with us, and aware of the gifts and benefits that we’ve received. This same exercise could help us look over 2007, and think what is that we want to hold on to as we begin 2008? What do we want to revisit?

In the Catholic Church this year we spent Advent, which is effectively the month of December, encouraging those who no longer come to Church, to give it some thought again. We were recognising that often change happens in our lives without us having consciously chosen it, and it can be so easy just to let things drift.

So as you look back, what is it from the last year that has been significant and positive that you want to hold onto? Or is there something you realise you’ve lost, that perhaps wasn’t present over the last twelve months, and that you want to re-find?

I’m sure some of you at this point are thinking yes – it’s time to pull my 1987 leg warmers from the bottom of my underwear draw. Well, whatever it is that comes to mind, lets hold on to what’s been positive, not for the sake of living in the past, but for the sake of enriching our future.

This contribution was written by Emily Davis, who is a member of the Life4seekers Team. It was broadcast on BBC Radio Two on New Year's Eve 2007.

Hospitality

I recently spent a month in Ghana, where I had several incredible experiences of hospitality. The people I met could not do enough for me. They stopped their work to take me for walks up mountains, and show me their cities and one guy even stopped digging his brothers grave and insisted on taking me to see the sights.

I really was blown away, and a quite embarrassed to be honest, by their incredible generosity. But whenever I commented on it they said it was nothing…no big deal at all…and in fact they themselves were embarrassed because apparently Ghanaian hospitality used to be so good,  but many Ghanaians complain that  in the last few years it’s really gone down hill.

Well it certainly made an impact on me. How hospitable am I, I wonder? What would I stop to look after somebody, or to welcome a visitor? I guess if someone arrived when I wasn’t too busy, I might offer to put the kettle on, you know. But am I able to meet someone and think that their needs may be more important than mine? I must confess that’s often not my first thought. There’s always that tension in life isn’t there, between tasks that need to be done, and people that need our attention.

Some time ago a gentleman called Jean Varnier founded a community for people with mixed levels of ability and need, and he’s written extensively on community life. He believes that hospitality is a reflection a healthy community, and in fact is an extension of the community’s hospitality amongst themselves. For example, if you imagine a family being a mini community, if they have no time for one another, they might struggle to offer hospitality to outsiders.

Jean Varnier sees every day as being full of opportunities to exercise the gift of hospitality. What happens when someone comes to my desk at work? Do I engage in conversation but keep my eyes on my computer screen to indicate that I’m not actually willing to stop and talk? There’s obviously a time to be getting on with my work – but may be the person who’s come to talk to me really needs my help. What about when I’m watching my favourite tv programme at home and the phone rings? Of course there are times, again, when my relaxation needs to be my priority. But if I am always my priority I could be missing out. There’s an encouragement in the letter to the Hebrews in the Christian New Testament, to entertain strangers, because by doing so, it says, some people have entertained angels. I like the idea of that. People bring real riches into our lives, and I don’t want to miss out on them. As for me, well I’m certainly no angel, but in Ghana they seem to treat all guests with special care and attention, and I’d like to be able to do the same.

This was written by Emily Davis, who is a member of the Life4seekers team.

Image source: The Hospitality of Abraham, www.holytrinityraleigh.org 

Bereavement

There is perhaps no greater sorrow than dealing with the reality of personal loss. Death can seem such a finite thing and the vacuum left by someone's parting can become a cross too hard to bear. Grieving is an unpredictable process; one moment we can feel happy as we remember a treasured moment shared with our loved one, another time we can be overcome by grief as our heart seems to break. As time passes the emotions become less extreme and we learn to live with the gap left by that person's parting. But that's not the end of the story, or is it?

I received the sad news that a young friend of mine died last month. My immediate reaction was shock, followed by deep sadness and sorrow. Questions followed such as, "Why was she taken so young?" She had so much promise, so much to give and experience. It all doesn't make any sense.

The death of Jesus Christ on a cross didn't make any sense. He was young, gifted and loved. He spent his life giving to others in a perfectly unselfish way. His death didn't make any sense and was one of the greatest scandals of all time, but his death was not the end. As a historical fact, three days after his death, he rose again from the dead and promised that everyone who believed in him would receive eternal life, that physical death is not the end.

When I reflect on the significance of this in light of my own experiences of loss, this is a great source of hope and consolation. I cling to this teaching of Jesus with all my heart because this means that I will, by God's grace, be united with those who have already journeyed on towards the light of God. This is one of the greatest hopes of all those who are Christian. This hope is a major part of our faith. What and who do you believe in?

During the month of November, in the Catholic tradition, we remember and pray for all our dead in a special way. We believe that after death, our eternal journey continues and that we can support our loved ones through our prayers. The dead are also able to pray to God for us at our request. One of the most popular prayers for the dead that Catholics say is: "Eternal rest grant unto them O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them, may they rest in peace. AMEN." The word 'AMEN' means 'so be it'. May all of our loved ones and friends rest in the peace and love of God: so be it. Collectively, this makes sense of death.

For more see: www.life4seekers.co.uk

This was written by Clare Ward who is a member of the Life4seekers team.

Image: www.radiantlight.org.uk