Lisa's Inside Story
Cartoon caption: "But I don't want to change!"
At the age of 18, whilst at university, I found myself sinking into a very dark place which was filled with despair and desolation. To the outside world, all seemed well and student life continued as per norm. There seemed to be no way out of this sad place, nor did there seem to be any way of filling the inner void that was so deep and painful. As the weeks passed it began to engulf me.
The source of my darkness was related to past experiences – loved ones lost, things others had done to me and bad things I had done myself which led to feelings of shame and deep regret. These experiences left me feeling burdened and heavy. Although I longed to be freed from them with all my being, there didn't seem to be any release.
One day I met a Catholic priest who was talking to me and a group of my friends. He struck me as an honest man, who had hidden depths and much integrity, as well as a cracking sense of humour. He made time for people and was always available. Something or someone compelled me to seek him out and talk to him on a one-to-one basis.
Over a period of several weeks I began to speak regularly with this priest about my situation. He listened to me as I shared with him the darkness that lay all consuming within me. He also talked to me about God’s immense love for me. He explained that it was a love so extreme that God had let his son, Jesus Christ, die on the cross for me. I wasn’t sure that I totally understood at the time, but little by little, as I listened, a change occurred within me.
It became an all consuming transformation. His words and prayers pierced the depths of my inner darkness. It felt like a light had entered into my soul and was gradually lifting me out of the darkness. Each time we met, I felt "lifted" into a new way of living and being. A new me had been born. I realised that I was a beloved daughter of God. I was loved and forgiven.
To reach this new place of light and life, I had to believe in God and choose to let God in. I had to die to old attitudes and fears. I had to handover to God my weakness and all the wrongs I had done. He took them from me using the priest as his healer. If I hadn’t done this, I would feel dead inside to this day. God truly resurrected my life not into what it was before, but into something more wonderful and joy-filled. It was a truly amazing experience that I wish everyone could share.
Suffering, death and resurrection ... these are three words which resonate with the life of Jesus, and they resonate with my own story. There is much of the Easter message found within it. Although life by no means became perfect for me from the age of 18, I have never returned to the darkness and despair that I then found myself in. God has since that moment been my rock, my joy, my source of life. Whoever reading this might like to experience what this new life is like, ask for it. This Easter, give God permission to enter your life. It's a risk that's definitely worth taking.
For more on Easter see: http://www.life4seekers.co.uk/easter/index.html
