Failure
Young People And Failure
I remember clearly the day I got my Alevel results. In the hall of my school, in the company of lots of class-mates, I opened my envelope. My heart sank as I read the results which were all about 3 grades lower than I’d expected. I was gutted and I was confused. But then, as I re-scanned the paper, it seemed to tell me I’d sat exams that I hadn’t studied for, which was strange, and…hang on a minute, the name at the top wasn’t even mine…these weren’t my results at all!
Somewhere else in the room, the girl with the same initials as me was opening up my results.
It was incredibly embarrassing for both us, but fortunately for me I walked away with relieved.
Before and since then, I have however tasted the bitterness of not succeeding as I’d hoped…and of outright failing. Driving tests. Job interviews. Relationships. And all these have raised questions about what motivates me. I like to think I’m motivated to achieve goals, or simply do my best. But I have a feeling that’s often mixed up with wanting to gain status or to be appreciated.
So what happens when our self image, or our reputation hang on our achievements? When things don’t work out, the temptation can be to keep it quiet. Or, to jack it all in and start over. To reinvent ourselves…preferably somewhere where people don’t know how we’ve under-achieved.
Thousands of young people are under imense pressure. When they receive their exam results, not only does their future hang in the balance, but possibly the good opinion of their parents and teachers.
In concern for some of the young people I work with in a faith context, I wonder what happens for them when they make mistakes, not just failing exams, but mistakes they think don’t fit with church? Or what happens when they experience doubt? How do they cope? Who do they turn to? I would hate to think that because I’ve tried to present an image of myself that’s all sorted, I may have communicated that there’s no room for failure and difficulty.
Mother Teresa once said ‘We are not called to be successful, we are called to be faithful.’ And she trusted in a God whom she knew as Father, whose unconditional love wouldn’t be affected by her mistakes.
Surely she was right – it’s not all about success. Faithfulness to the gifts and opportunities we’ve been given is far more important. And that includes the opportunity we all have to pick ourselves up and start again. And the opportunity we have to exercise grace, by having an unconditional, positive regard for ourselves as well as others, regardless of success and failure. May you and those around you have a grace-filled day.
*The above was written by Emily Davis and was presented on BBC Radio Two's, 'Pause For Thought'.
Image from: www.istockphoto.com
